


The Book of Practical Cats

by elphabun



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Animal Transformation, Fairy Tale Elements, Fluff, M/M, clarus and cor despair for regis' romantic life, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 22:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elphabun/pseuds/elphabun
Summary: At her death, Shiva curses Ardyn to be a cat for seven days and six nights until he finds true love (because Shiva is Like That). Ardyn finds this ridiculous and takes this opportunity to spy on the six year-old Chosen King as a pet. It does not go how he planned at all.





	The Book of Practical Cats

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Jahaliel for betaing and Hamelin-Born for coming up with title!

Noctis hides a cat in his rooms for three days before Regis finds out about it.

"Noctis," he sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

His son gazes up at him, eyes wet and lips wobbly. He's clutching the cat like it's a stuffed animal. "He's so soft, Dad," he says. "I want to keep him, I love him." His lips wobble even more.

Regis' heart hurts and he sighs again. "Alright, but you have to be very careful with him and take care of him every day," he tells Noctis, wondering if the nanny is willing to look after a cat as well.

Noctis beams up at him and his worries fade.

"Come on," Regis says and scoops them both up. "Let's go see if Gladio wants to play with the cat too."

"Okay!" Noctis cheers and Regis feels a warmth flood his chest. Let his boy have a childhood companion. Let him have happiness for as long as he can.

* * *

Noctis' cat is an odd little thing. He almost seems to hate Noctis and everyone else. He's always tracking people and following their motions like he understands what they're doing, Sometimes Regis catches the cat in his office, puttering around on the desk. He still doesn't know how it keeps getting through his locked door.

Regis frowns at the red kitten crumpling his paperwork and scoops him up. "Bad cat," he scolds without any real heat. It's a cute cat and generally very well-behaved, fits of hissing and hiding aside.

The cat (what did Noctis name him again? Box? Teeth? Regis forgets) stares up at him and kneads his shirt, claws pricking and making tiny rips. Regis smiles softly and scratches the cat’s head. He has a meeting to get to, but Noctis is in lessons and he doesn’t want the cat getting back in the office. He sighs, grabbing the file he needed, and leaves for the meeting, the cat still kneading his shirt.

* * *

 Ardyn would like to retract any thoughts he'd had before about this being a wonderful opportunity. He's been a pampered pet for a week now and he hates it. The constant cooing, the rough petting, the baby talk. The boy— the Chosen King— went and named him Brick of all things. Brick. Not even a majestic name like Ruby or Copper or Sunset. Brick. It's ridiculous.

The boy picks him up again and Ardyn lets out a disgruntled growl. "Oops, sorry kitty," the little Chosen King says, scratching under Ardyn's chin. He adjusts his grip so Ardyn's legs aren't squished anymore.

The cuddling and constant chattering is terrible but at least Ardyn gets fed like a king. Barramundi fillets, catfish salads, grated gouda cheese with blueberries and chopped liver. He hasn't dined so fine in decades, even in Niflheim. He supposes that the touching is a small price to pay for such lovely food. Otherwise he'd be in an alley eating restaurant leftovers.

"Do you want to play, Brick?" Noctis coos, leaning down to kiss Ardyn's nose. Ardyn swipes at him with carefully sheathed claws. Wouldn't do to alienate his food source entirely. The boy just laughs and carries him over to the armchair.

"Noctis? What are you up to, buddy?" A voice calls from the doorway. The both of them turn and it's King Regis standing in the doorway smiling.

Noctis smiles and waves, sitting down on the chair, Ardyn still ensconced in the kid's arms. "Come sit with me, Dad. I was gonna read Brick a story."

Regis smiles, sickeningly sweet in Ardyn's opinion, and comes over. "Of course. Will you read it to me, as well?"

Noctis nods and Ardyn resigns himself to another rendition of _The Happy, Nappy Chocobo._

* * *

Sundown that night is a blessing. He hides in the garden until the last light has disappeared beneath the horizon and then he feels himself change. It's a tingling sensation, odd and unlike any he's experienced (which is quite the feat for someone as old as he). One moment, two, and then he's human again. Oh thank the stars. He has opposable thumbs. He wiggles his fingers and stretches his back until it pops. He needs to get something greasy, and preferably a nice glass of wine to go with it.

It's simple enough to sneak over the garden walls, into the public area and then down into the street. Now, where's a nice bar? There’s a quieter food district to the east behind the library, he remembers from his wanderings as a kitten. He starts ambling in that direction, hands in his pockets.

The streets are nice, the air is cool, and no one stops him to ask silly questions. He's exhausted and he needs a peaceful, child-free environment.

A sign glimmers from his right, partly hidden by a wide magnolia stretching out in front of the building. _Inferno._ The sign on the window says it's a pub and alcohol sounds very appealing right now. Besides, he's always been a fan of trying out new places to dine. He walks in and a tintinnabulum jingles above him. The dining area is relaxed, round tables for four to five people spread out. The bar is lit with soft bright lights and the counter, Ardyn notes as he walks up, is lignum vitae. Very impressive.

The bartender, a woman of indeterminate middle age with a gorgeous jade betrothal necklace (he didn't think people still used those anymore, although he supposes that some areas of Lucis might keep the traditions), nods to him when he sits.

"I'll take the strongest alcohol you have," he tells her, his smile tired but still charming. "And please, madam, I assure you that I can handle it."

She raises an eyebrow but goes into the backroom. Lovely— he's about to rest all his troubles in the loving arms of ethanol, even if he can't quite get drunk.

"Rough day?"

Ardyn turns to see a man a few barstools down looking at him from over the rim of his own glass. He laughs dryly. "I've had to listen to Cosmogony For Kids for three hours. I need a drink."

The man grimaces and raises his glass in Ardyn's direction. "I feel your pain. My son adores that show."

Ah, a kindred spirit. Ardyn stands and moves to the stool next to the man. This close, Ardyn can see light blue eyes and a fine dusting of stubble over a well-formed jaw. The man’s shirt doesn’t hide the muscles in his arms, which Ardyn appreciates. Ardyn would peg him at early thirties if it weren't for the world-weary exhaustion in his eyes. He's probably a young-looking 40.

"Is there a way to get them to watch anything else?" He asks, leaning on the counter. "And I mean _literally anything else._ "

The man laughs and shakes his head. "Not that I've found, unfortunately."

 _He has a nice laugh,_ Ardyn is surprised to find himself thinking. He holds out a hand as his smiles goes from polite to genuine. "I'm Izuna, I recently moved back here from Accordo."

The man gives his hand a firm shake. Oh Ardyn does so love it when beautiful men are firm. "I'm Reggie," the man says, "and welcome back."

The bartender returns with a bottle of whiskey. "190-proof," she tells him and pours a shot.

 _Oh gods bless._ That's exactly what he's been needing. He downs it in one swallow and drops his head back. He's not drunk per se, but there's a nice fuzzy sensation in the back of his brain and he feels quiet.

He turns back to Reggie. "The city is better than I remember, especially with such friendly faces to greet me." He winks, but more comically than anything. He's not entirely in the mood for a one-night stand but a friendly chat? Certainly.

Reggie laughs and props an elbow on the counter. “It never hurts to be nice. And you look like you need some companionship.”

Ardyn hasn’t had that in a long while but he finds he _wants_ it now that it’s been offered. He leans forward and starts a conversation on the local attractions. It would be nice to know since he’ll be here for the time being, and Reggie is quite… nice when he talks.


End file.
